Close up of woman crying

What’s the aphorism again?
Oh yes… “When it rains, it pours.”

This couldn’t have been more unerring for me than come the start of twenty-sixteen.
Ironically, the post prior to this one was one focused on striving to embrace more inner happiness and peace. Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?

I’m not one to air too much of my personal laundry on my blog or on social media, particularly Facebook, the place where most people like to share some of their most intimate life details, to which I will never comprehend why.
In fact, I’m extremely private despite my fondness for over-sharing random photos of food, my children hiding under fort blankets or a shameless selfie with a new top that makes me look 10 lbs less than I am on Instagram.
When it comes to my personal life details, you know, the real nitty-gritty, I’m extremely cautious about what I divulge to the world.

Anyway, it’s been rough.
Twenty-Fifteen was one of the hardest years to swallow. Amidst the amazing memories and good times, there were probably a few really hard chunks of life-sucking moments that you just want to forget but cannot.

Recently, someone I love dearly has been diagnosed with a disease that is incurable.
It’s not extremely serious but it does require attention and proper care in order to control it.
This person to me is someone that has always been super healthy, with one of the strongest immune systems I’ve ever seen and no vices. Young and full of vitality!
It just didn’t make sense to me — I was angry; I was confused; I was sad.
When you get served with news like this, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
In life it’s inevitable — you will have a few of those junctures that will leave you completely dismayed, melancholy, and questioning what you did to deserve this.
This is one of those times.

I couldn’t eat well for days and I started getting indigestion problems and had trouble sleeping — this ate at me, sucking some of my essence away.
Nobody knew this though. Well, nobody outside of my close family.
To everyone else, I was happy.
I was posting away on social media, chatting with friends, even sharing funny things that, in all honesty, I was only doing to make myself feel better.
Deep down inside, I was in a dark place.

It wasn’t just this news that caused this. This was probably the breaking point for me.
Prior to this, I have had a couple of other difficult concerns to deal with, but of course you didn’t know that. Nobody did.
I don’t share my problems with everyone.
Nobody wants to hear your issues; they’ve all got their own.
Plus, it’s not very intriguing this whole misery thing. Misery does not love company, despite what you hear. Trust me. It’s a borefest.

Instead, you’ll just see me at my best. My smiles, my laughter, my influx of random Twitter, Facebook and Instagram photos. My witty sarcasm.
I’m good at disguising my pain. I’ve always been.

Today was a good day though.
I laughed genuinely.
I shared a dance with my husband.
I cuddled and played around with my kids.
I got some fresh air.
I chatted with a friend and had one of the most enriching conversations I’ve had in a while.
But most importantly, I was overflowing with a sense of purpose and positivity.  I am excited for what’s ahead!

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”

We cannot control our circumstances.
But we can control how we respond to them.
You can either allow it to consume you or you can accept that it’s there and learn to work through it, one step at at time.
Life is a very powerful teacher, isn’t it?

And I say all this after I’ve had a good cry. Tears mixed with a little bit of sorrow but also a lot of courage and willpower.
But that’s always been me. I get hit hard a thousand times, but I stand up, wobbly legs and all and walk off with a smile.

These are fighting tears.

8 comments on “These Are Fighting Tears”

  1. Hugs, I’m sorry for all the hard you’re going through and for your family member.
    I don’t really have any advice. What can one say that really means anything? I just know that sometimes sad is hard to break out of.

    • Thanks so much, Nicole. Taking each day, a step at a time. And being as supportive and positive as I can for my loved one. Sometimes silence, genuine hugs and hand holding and listening ears is all they need. Appreciate the words.

  2. Oh Carol, I’m so sorry to hear about your loved one. This post must have been so difficult to write. I’m thinking of you and hoping this year brings both of you more joy than sorrow.

    • Julie – thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave your words of encouragement and warm thoughts.
      I truly appreciate it.
      It certainly was not easy but I am looking ahead with determination and positivity. Aside from this little bump in the road, 2016 is shaping up very well. πŸ™‚

  3. Thank you for baring a piece of your heart here, Carol.
    You are a true encouragement. We all have these trying times in our lives and it’s up to us how we proceed. I’m very touched by your words.
    Wishing you all the peace and happiness this year and onwards. xo

  4. I have sat and stared at this comment box gor five minutes. But the right words fail me. I wish you a day of strength and peace today. Sometimes we just can’t make sense of things and just be with those who need us. πŸ™‚

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