I’ve been working very hard the past few weeks not to yell at my kids. Or at least, minimize it to once per week, if possible. Yes, that was quite the gargantuan experiment. I love my children to the moon and back but geez, there are certainly the good days and the rough days.
There is no perfect mother.
Right now, as I sit here typing, trying to focus, I can’t help but hear the loud calls of my four year old son in the background. “Mommy! Can I have some gummies?!” *big sigh* Typing resumes.
“Mommmmmmmy!” Even louder now. Thundering rapid footsteps are headed my way. My door slams open. I may have failed at the non-yelling part at this point. Especially when I’ve repeatedly explained to my children why they must not slam doors in this house.
This has been the third time in an hour I have been hollered for.
Not trying to sound like a petulant, whiny mom but when you’re bombarded with an immense amount of work to finish (both for business and domestic), hearing your name called multiple times in an hour for very trivial things can certainly be aggravating. Okay, I am griping. And I have every right too.
Why do we need to feel guilty for being upset or annoyed? Why must we feel remorseful when instead of getting up for the tenth time in the middle of work to refill a glass of chocolate milk or cut up some grapes or help with the toilet, ignore the request and continue doing what we need to finish?
Why are we penitent when it’s chilly and windy weather and we decide to keep our already sniffling kids indoors to finish homework and clean their rooms rather then allow them to go outside to the park?
We really need to put down the the “Offender Card” when it comes to the choices and reactions we make towards our children. I know it’s impossible to completely stop feeling guilty, it’s in our human nature as parent’s (and forever will be). But it’s also senseless for us to always have to feel this way.
Ignore all those headlines and articles that tell you otherwise. What? Not allowed to raise your voices at your kids? Not allowed to let them on their iPads? Wrong to allow them to sleep in your beds sometimes? Evil for buying them McDonalds two days in a week?
Also let go of the inevitable and detrimental comparison card too.
My daughter came home one day asking me why we weren’t planning any major vacations this winter and how her classmate has been to multiple airplane rides and vacations already this year.
This may have hurt me just a bit. And I’m typically far from the envious type. I was very close to replying in a rather exasperated tone that MOMMY NEEDS A VACATION TOO! but I didn’t.
Our kids are kids. They don’t know our personal and financial matters. They don’t realize that every family has their own situation and not every one has the privilege or support to be able go on vacations every other month. They forget that big vacation you’ve already been to months back (that mommy and daddy saved so much for) and all the excursions and road trips, etc. you have enjoyed together this past year because they’re children and they will only see and understand what their fragile and innocent minds can grasp. So what if you didn’t enrol your child in the five different extra curricular activities and “just” in one or two. Oh well that you didn’t throw a lavish party this year or failed to bake your own cake from scratch…
Just let it go. Let go of all that destructive mom guilt.
This is not a competition, this motherhood thing. It’s true. We have willingly (and unregretfully) made so many sacrifices for our children and ignoring a few paltry requests or simply feeling like you just don’t want to spend every waking minute with them or doing something for them is absolutely OKAY. Motherhood/Parenthood is a juggling act and sometimes you just have to allow some of those balls to fall down. It doesn’t hurt, I promise.
We love our children, but our lives do not need to revolve around their every request or need.
You have your own needs and responsibilities outside of your role as a parent and that’s totally alright (and healthy). Drop the blame game, lose the cape and go have yourself a cup of warm coffee or tea on your own for a bit, will yah?
There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child you are a super mom. ~Stephanie Precourt
Do you ever have those days or moments when mom guilt hits you hard? Today was one of them for me. What do you usually do to get away and enjoy some quality me time?