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I’ve been working very hard the past few weeks not to yell at my kids.  Or at least, minimize it to once per week, if possible.  Yes, that was quite the gargantuan experiment.  I love my children to the moon and back but geez, there are certainly the good days and the rough days.  

There is no perfect mother.

Right now, as I sit here typing, trying to focus, I can’t help but hear the loud calls of my four year old son in the background. “Mommy! Can I have some gummies?!”  *big sigh* Typing resumes.
“Mommmmmmmy!”  Even louder now.  Thundering rapid footsteps are headed my way.  My door slams open.  I may have failed at the non-yelling part at this point.  Especially when I’ve repeatedly explained to my children why they must not slam doors in this house.
This has been the third time in an hour I have been hollered for.
Not trying to sound like a petulant, whiny mom but when you’re bombarded with an immense amount of work to finish (both for business and domestic), hearing your name called multiple times in an hour for very trivial things can certainly be aggravating.  Okay, I am griping.  And I have every right too.

Why do we need to feel guilty for being upset or annoyed? Why must we feel remorseful when instead of getting up for the tenth time in the middle of work to refill a glass of chocolate milk or cut up some grapes or help with the toilet, ignore the request and continue doing what we need to finish?
Why are we penitent when it’s chilly and windy weather and we decide to keep our already sniffling kids indoors to finish homework and clean their rooms rather then allow them to go outside to the park?

We really need to put down the the “Offender Card” when it comes to the choices and reactions we make towards our children. I know it’s impossible to completely stop feeling guilty, it’s in our human nature as parent’s (and forever will be). But it’s also senseless for us to always have to feel this way.
Ignore all those headlines and articles that tell you otherwise. What? Not allowed to raise your voices at your kids? Not allowed to let them on their iPads? Wrong to allow them to sleep in your beds sometimes? Evil for buying them McDonalds two days in a week?

Also let go of the inevitable and detrimental comparison card too.
My daughter came home one day asking me why we weren’t planning any major vacations this winter and how her classmate has been to multiple airplane rides and vacations already this year.  
This may have hurt me just a bit. And I’m typically far from the envious type.  I was very close to replying in a rather exasperated tone that MOMMY NEEDS A VACATION TOO! but I didn’t.
Our kids are kids. They don’t know our personal and financial matters. They don’t realize that every family has their own situation and not every one has the privilege or support to be able go on vacations every other month. They forget that big vacation you’ve already been to months back (that mommy and daddy saved so much for) and all the excursions and road trips, etc. you have enjoyed together this past year because they’re children and they will only see and understand what their fragile and innocent minds can grasp.  So what if you didn’t enrol your child in the five different extra curricular activities and “just” in one or two.  Oh well that you didn’t throw a lavish party this year or failed to bake your own cake from scratch…

Just let it go. Let go of all that destructive mom guilt.

This is not a competition, this motherhood thing.  It’s true. We have willingly (and unregretfully) made so many sacrifices for our children and ignoring a few paltry requests or simply feeling like you just don’t want to spend every waking minute with them or doing something for them is absolutely OKAY.  Motherhood/Parenthood is a juggling act and sometimes you just have to allow some of those balls to fall down.  It doesn’t hurt, I promise.

We love our children, but our lives do not need to revolve around their every request or need. 

You have your own needs and responsibilities outside of your role as a parent and that’s totally alright (and healthy). Drop the blame game, lose the cape and go have yourself a cup of warm coffee or tea on your own for a bit, will yah?

There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed.  But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child you are a super mom. ~Stephanie Precourt

Do you ever have those days or moments when mom guilt hits you hard?  Today was one of them for me.  What do you usually do to get away and enjoy some quality me time?

28 comments on “Lose the Cape: Why Moms Need To Just Let It Go”

  1. mom guilt here lol. I definitely need to make more time for myself, it is a goal of mine this year. This was a great read!

  2. My kids are adults and wow what a ride it was,feeling guilty is natural.You have to learn you are a Mom but you are also a wife and friend to others and this all had to play a part in your life.Me time is very important because it gives you time to think and recharge.

  3. It’s hard not to feel guilty often, thinking that as a parent we can always have done better. I have come to realize that we have to be satisfied that we have to know that our decisions and actions were choices we made at that moment with the info we had at that moment and the surrounding circumstances. If I feel in retrospect that I could have/would have/should have done things differently I use it as an opportunity. I use it as a chance to teach my child, or rethink my reasoning, or apologize, or pledge to myself to make a different choice in the future. Wisdom comes with time and experience. No one is perfect and we are only human. Parenting is hard! But oh so rewarding. 🙂

  4. My kids, for the last 3 nights in a row, become crazy during bedtime. They won’t change into pj’s without being told 10 times, won’t brush, or toilet before bed time, and jump and run around the room while getting ready for bed. I don’t know what’s gotten into them, its only been this week that the crazy has started. Last night, I threated to return all their Christmas gifts bc I had reached the end of my rope. As soon as the words left me, I was like… I have damaged them forever! They calmed down quick after that, and I realized, yes, I need to make crazy threats in order to survive! Home for Christmas for 2 weeks, now that I cracked that crazy threat, I wonder what I’m going to say next to calm them down!!!! Thanks for listening to the ramble!

    • Oh Rebecca – if I had a dollar for every time I threw down a mom “threat”, I’d be a billionaire. Certainly an exciting time of year that the kids can vibe off and kids are kids, not robots or soldiers. We can’t expect them to abide by our rules constantly (although it would splendid if they did!).
      I totally feel you! They will only get older and more mature to better understand as long as we teach them what they need to know and learn which battles are just not worth the fight. Keep it up!

  5. Hits right home…
    I once found a blog of American mom of 8 (I think. I don’t remember the exact number)and in her ‘about me’ saw something along the lines “people often ask me about me time. What me time? I didn’t sign up for me time when I decided to have kids”. While I was in awe of her, I closed the blog and never came back, because it made me feel inadequate.

    • I hear you, Ira. I once looked up to a fellow mom when I was pregnant with my first and realized after a while that I was admiring her for many wrong reasons.
      As a mother, you learn to parent your own unique way and trying to live up to disillusioned expectations is never a good thing. Take time to take care of yourself. <3

  6. I get this guilt all the time. The boys fight so much and seem offended at picking up anything! It seems more work yelling and threatening to get them to do it so I just do it myself somedays. I make sure I have a bath every night and lose myself in a good book. Really helps break up the day and give the kids time to spend (harass) with their dad!!

  7. Moms are people too.we are only human.quality time for me is when all in bed and im in a tub.lol.thats as good as it gets.such is life.

  8. Thanks for the encouragement. I sit on the couch sipping a yummy coffee sometimes and have to ignore my 3 year old FOR 15-20 minutes as he makes a mess. That is my refuge sometimes.

    • Oh yes, 15-20 minutes is a lot of time us moms can luckily grasp onto in a day for some “quiet time”. It’s very much needed.
      Whenever I’m in front of my computer sporadically throughout the day for work, although my son is in the room next to me and I can hear him, I have my warm cup of coffee and I allow this time to be my me-time during the day.

  9. Every, single, day! I’m always feeling guilty for everything. Even when I go out for a run, that I deserve, I think that maybe I should be home with my boys. I hate mommy guilt. I haven’t had a vacation in 8 years and i still feel guilty about not being “enough”.

  10. That is a wonderful quote from Stephanie Precourt.
    I find that it’s really hard to compete with tv and pinterest. So stop trying. Easier said than done.

    • It is, isn’t it? Very true that it’s easier said then done sometimes. It’s in our natural human nature to strive for great and feel pangs of guilt or jealousy every once in a while. But that’s why it’s important to remember why our children/family love us so much. Because we are who we are! 🙂

  11. It is so true, there is no perfect mother. We love our children, but we still need to have some quality me-time once in a while.

  12. Great post! Parents often blame themselves too much. Being a parent is only one role in life and we don’t have to be perfect at it. Taking “me” time is also important so that you can recharge.

    • I love that you said that ‘being a parent is only one role in life’. I find too often may mothers forget that and try too hard to be this imaginary idea of a perfect mother. 🙂 I think we’re all perfectly imperfect mothers!

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