To be a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom) or a working mom… that is the question.

The past week, I have been feeling like a hamster in a wheel – no goals, no direction, not really getting anywhere. I’ve been comparing myself to my “friends” who are either in grad school, building their careers, globe-trotting, but also “family – less.” I felt like maybe I needed to keep up.

Why does everyone feel this constant need to compare “Stay at Home Moms” with the so-called “Working Mom?” First, I take offence to the term, ‘working mom.’ I find it the term redundant. All Moms work and the work involved with raising a child is hard and often more difficult than working outside the home.

I put my own life on hold. This was incredibly difficult to do, as I had a promising career ahead of me. I was lost for awhile because my role in life had changed. At first, I felt the need to justify my existence to every working mom I met. Then, I read an article in a women’s magazine that described a “Super Mom.” She was out of the house by 600 a.m. for her morning commute, worked all day until 600 p.m. then came home at around 700 p.m. Her children were preschoolers who were with a nanny all day. She came home in time to read them a story and tuck them into bed. I couldn’t figure out where the Mom part came in. Her life was hectic, her children being raised by hired help. But, they praised her because she read to her children every night and made a play date with them on the weekend.

So, what did that make me? I just stayed at home, playing with my child, cooking with my child, reading to her all day long, bathing her, helping her get dressed, teaching her how to to talk and eat with a fork and spoon (and soon potty-training!). Guess I wasn’t much of a mom, according to the magazine.

Women are being forced to choose. One or the other. Is either group more worthy than the other? Is either group better mothers? It depends on what you do with your children. I think, that if you love them unconditionally, are there to listen to them, keep informed about what is happening in their lives, and respect them, then, you are a great mother. And, that is no matter whether you stay at home, or go to a job elsewhere. If you are willing to do whatever is necessary for your child, that is all that matters.

So, which group is more emancipated? The SAHM’s or the WM’s? Who cares! I’m happy with my choice in life and my daughter is thriving and that’s what should matter the most to any mom.

Life is about choices. Make yours and believe it is right for you. But, remember, you can always choose to change it. The choice is yours. Don’t let one person or another make your choices for you. Be proud of who you are, and show your children that you take that pride in yourself.

But, whatever your choice, please, don’t put down the choices of others. We are all in this world for a reason, but for a very short time. Make your time count!

I used to feel embarrassed or apologetic when admitting I was a married mother at 23 with a child at 25, especially in this day and age. Now I feel grateful for the path I have chosen, and my joy is full as I recognize the deep personal growth and learning my divinely appointed “job” grants me each and every day as I sacrifice, love, and nurture my family.
I do have the most important job in the world. It’s challenging, character-building, but full of blessings. This little girl is growing up very fast.

The rat race can wait…I am MY kid’s mom!

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