“Are you sure you want to eat that? It’s hard to lose the weight after.”

“You’re ready to pop!”
“You’re pretty big for 5 months.”
“You’re definitely having a girl because they say the baby girl takes it’s mother’s beauty.”

Ouch! 
Can you believe people have actually said that to me? And according to many other pregnant friends that I know?
What makes it harder for me to fathom, is when folks that actually do know me well and know the ordeal me and my husband went through with infertility, ask these really dumb questions. 
I don’t know if they’re a mother that forgot how it felt to be pregnant and most likely was absent during the learn-some-tact etiquette life class, or just a totally clueless imbecile, but for the most part — the majority of people know that there are just some things you do not say or do to a woman that is expecting.

And before I go on, let me just say that I know the nickname “Preggo” may be annoying to some expecting women, especially those with a lack of humor, but I say it a lot, find it cute and I have no problem with it, so please accept my apologies if you find it offensive.
Here are some of the most popular things you should never say or do to a preggo:
1) Never say, “You look like you’re ready to POP.” 
What are we balloons or corn kernels? 
This is highly offensive to someone who is already self-conscience about the child that is protruding from their abdomen and have pretty much reached a point of exhaustion, swollen feet and back aches.
Take cover or just run, really fast. The worst kinda woman to mess with is a preggo (blame it on the hormones!)
2) Don’t refer to, comment on, or even think about a pregnant woman’s weight/appearance. 
Here’s some examples: “You look like you were due last week” (this comment will make you due for a swift kick in the pants), “You look tired/hot/ready” (thank you Captain Obvious, just because you think or know she feels that way doesn’t make it okay to say), “Ah look at your little tummy starting to poke out! I was glad when I got to that point so I didn’t just look chubby” (did you just call me chubby?), “Wow, that shirt makes you look super pregnant” (Run, run now!), and “With my girl I carried all over too” (No comment)
To make it simple, the following are things you are allowed to say to a pregnant woman:
 “You look tiny!”
 “You look beautiful!”
 “You are aglow with the light of a million fairies.”
If you can’t say one of these just smile lovingly (without an ounce of pity in your eyes) at her and maybe she’ll just think you’re weird and not condescending.
3) Do not tell them what is best (OR you hope they should) have next. 
For mothers of 2+ of the same gender, this sound familiar: “This is your third pregnancy and you have two boys? You better hope this one is a girl so you can be DONE!”
Just wish them a healthy and happy pregnancy and move on.  After all, that’s what truly matters, right? Right!
4) Never, ever say: “Are you sure it’s ok if you eat that?”  
This is the most infamous for being super annoying and often said to an expecting mom.
Sure, there are a few absolute no-no’s in the food department while pregnant like hot dogs, tuna, or that delicious cocktail.  However, when a mom-to-be is trying to get more than 5 calories a day thanks to nausea, leave her be! Let her eat what she can! 
Besides, women already spend a lot of their time obsessing over their weight and appearance.  Pregnancy is the only time they can gain that healthy baby weight and eat to their hearts content. If she chooses to chow down on fried chicken and rocky road – so be it! 
5) Never offer unsolicited pregnancy comparisons
There is no trophy for the “World’s Perfect Pregnancy.” 
Let’s face it, between the hormones, general and overall discomfort, fetus pressing on your organs/ribcage/bladder, sleepless nights, painful contractions, nausea/vomiting, and a whole host of other things, pregnancy is not a vacation. It’s pretty hard to get sympathy for you from someone who is experiencing any or all of those things while you are not. Also, commenting on how you only gained 12 lbs. when you were pregnant or how you know what she’s going through because you were sick the whole first trimester but never threw up will only get you dirty looks. 
For the husbands, don’t ever complain about anything without immediately following it up with, “but it’s NOTHING compared to what you are having to go through right now.” You can never be more tired, in more pain, more frustrated, or had a longer day than her. Just keep her happy. Period.
6) Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take it upon yourself to rub her belly without asking first.
I’m talking to you random person that I just met at the grocery line-up or prenatal yoga class. Also, that person that I don’t talk to often (or not at all) but know my parents and I’ve only seen you last when I was, what, 12 years old?
Whoever you are, even if you are a neighbor I see every day, or a an old girlfriend, touching the belly (or any part of a pregnant woman) without asking is a big no-no.
I know you’re amazed and intrigued with my gorgeous protruding breadbasket, but it’s only polite to ask first (or better yet, if we’re not close – just avoid touching me altogether)
7) Do not tell her she’s too emotional or sensitive.
I’m talking to the husbands now.  I don’t care how much she yells at you at midnight if you refuse her request to a sudden craving she had for dill pickle chips or if she is bawling her eyes out at something she was watching on television and then in a blink of an eye is laughing hysterically — Never, ever, EVER tell her that she is overacting in anyway.  She’s not overacting… she’s pregnant!
8) Do not ask her if she plans to get an epidural or go all natural during labor (and then proceed to say you did and it’s nothing)
I’m sure she and her husband have already discussed and she’s decided what she feels will work best for her and her body.  Whether she plans to go all-natural or is pretty adamant that she cannot tolerate pain and prefers an epidural right away, or having a planned c-section, if you’re not her mother, sister, sister-from-another-mister, grandma or anyone else extremely close to her — zip it!
9) Do not ask her if this pregnancy was planned or a surprise.
Whether it was or not, it’s a blessing and a very welcome one for this family. You don’t know their history nor their personal feelings behind it so asking may be a little too much.
10) Never ask if they’re having twins (even if they are)
This is a given and I don’t think I need to explain why you shouldn’t ask this.  Pregnant women come in all shapes and sizes and the last thing any pregnant woman wants to hear (especially if they only have a singleton in there) is if they’re having more than one baby. It’s quite brash and what you’ll get in reply is most likely the evil eye.
Clearly this is a popular topic, and you’ve probably seen a blog post or question about this somewhere already, but this goes to show how darn common it is for the world of slippery-tongued individuals to say something offensive towards a mom-to-be.
This is a very precious, sensitive and emotional time for a woman — be considerate.

What about you? What are the most annoying and worst things someone has ever said to you when you were expecting? 

6 comments on “Things You Should NEVER Say or Do To a Preggo”

  1. Amen to all of these points! lol

    My sister was married to this super icky guy when I was pregnant with my last baby and the first thing he did when we met was rub my stomach….ahhh, I just about belted him!

    Rafflecopter Name is Anne Taylor

  2. Someone once said to me “how’d you get so big? I never got that big when I was pregnant.” And also the rubbing belly without asking was common especially at parties and work. Very, very annoying.
    I love this post to bits! Made me laugh!

  3. I’ve had a lady walk up to me randomly while I was getting an oil change and start rubbing my belly. So weird! I got so freaked out and walked away really quickly. She avoided me for the rest of the time I was there.

  4. I’ve not been pregnant before but my sister and a few friends have and I’ve heard them complain about all these as well. It’s horrible and I can’t imagine why someone would say these. I’m assuming they don’t realize the effects of their words but hopefully posts like this would help them to realize it’s not okay.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *