For many of you that have been following my blog for a while and for those that know me, you know that the past year has been somewhat of a crazy journey for me and my family. We’ve had our shares of ups and downs as we struggled with infertility (due to my PCOS), coming in and out of expensive treatments praying and hoping endlessly to give our little girl a sibling.
When I conceived Ava, I also went through a similar, although less of a longer time, conceiving her.
She changed our world. She was a miracle baby to us.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. To be able to create, carry, birth and raise wonderfully smart, beautiful and humble children.
I’m very blessed with our daughter and couldn’t be more proud and gratified to have her in our lives.
But, she’s been asking and asking and asking for a sister or brother. She’s getting older (we just enrolled her in Kindergarten!) and we thought it would be a perfect time for another little blessing.
After many, many BFN’s (Big Fat Negative’s), to my pleasant surprise, I finally saw this…
Tears of joy, exhaustion and surprise streamed down my face as I shared the excitement with my husband.
We were SO happy! And so relieved.
To be honest, this pregnancy is very different than with Ava.
I was sick constantly with Ava and with this pregnancy I’m only having bouts of nausea here and there. As weird as this may sound, I actually was hoping for the vomit and the food diversions. I wanted to feel pregnant.
You see, I had a prior miscarriage before Ava and with Ava, I had low progesterone in the first trimester so I had to take Progesterone suppositories to help sustain the pregnancy. I’m doing the same with this pregnancy now as well.
I was also monitored every week to two weeks with Ava at Mount Sinai’s Special Pregnancy Unit due to risk of Incompetent/Shortening Cervix.
My pregnancies are not easy. In fact, as wonderful as they are, they are very, very scary for me.
I’m constantly worried.
So, a couple of days ago, after experiencing spotting and minor cramps, I was put on strict bed rest.
Yeah, that’s not very easy considering I have a 3 year old that I need to care for during the day.
Just a 2 days before the bleeding began, I had a first trimester ultrasound and we saw our little baby and it’s heartbeat! 125bpm at 7 weeks 2 days. What a sigh of relief.
So you can imagine how terrified I was when I began to spot. No pregnant woman, no matter how many times you’ve done this before, wants to see blood, especially in the first trimester, especially with a higher risk pregnancy. I spent the entire day in tears because I was so concerned.
So here I am. 8 weeks as of tomorrow and resting up on my comfy bed.
I am so grateful to my husband for his unconditional support, my mom, mother-in-law, sister, and rest of family and friends that have attempted to make this easy for me and provide their helping hands.
I am so, so thankful.
I will be continuing my progesterone and limited activity until after the 13th week (1st trimester). And then at least I can breathe a little better.
You’re probably wondering why I am sharing this before the first trimester is over. Well, I was actually planning on NOT saying anything until we were in the safe zone, but because I’ve shared my rough infertility journey on my blog with my devoted followers, many woman going through very similar situations, I thought it’s only fair and considerate to share this journey – no matter where it turns.
We continue to pray and trust that God is in control and will help us get through this, healthy and happy.
If he sees you to it, he’ll bring you through it.
Where would I be without my faith?